I’ve been fighting a cold for a week now, which is silly. I should have given in and gone back to bed last Friday, or yesterday, or today, while Sam was at nursery, but instead I have carried on. It’s not something to be proud of – and is a habit I have been consciously changing. Trying to find that balance between knowing I am ok to keep going (and most of the time I don’t have a choice as a a single parent) and taking the opportunity to rest and sleep and take care of myself before my body gives me a big ‘You didn’t listen’ signal.
As I’ve said previously it’s been a good, very busy, summer, and I am now trying to tick off my To Do list before I go back to the intense experience of university. I’m not complaining- it’s mostly good stuff: clearing the patch of garden I am going to grow vegetables in next year; writing; planning activities for Sam and doing research for the work which will at some point turn into a book when it and I are ready.
As I planted bulbs in the garden yesterday afternoon I realised that the garden looks messy. Windblown and overgrown, flowers are drying and going brown on the stem. Leaves strewn across the grass along with windfallen apples and pears. And the ever-growing heaps of bindweed, brambles, ivy and other garden detritus which are piling up as I continue with my mission to clear the space at the end of the garden. My mum would have said: “It’s gone over.” It is bloated and worn out and brittle and dry and tired. The pots are still full of petunias and trailing lobelia and everything is still green and bright but it’s coming to an end and ready for change.
A bit like me then! I feel messy and out of shape and ready to break free and have a change of space. So, from today I am going to detox and get ready for university. It’s all going to be different again this year.
I’ve been fighting a cold for a week now, which is silly. I should have given in and gone back to bed last Friday, or yesterday, or today, while Sam was at nursery, but instead I have carried on. It’s not something to be proud of – and is a habit I have been consciously changing. Trying to find that balance between knowing I am ok to keep going (and most of the time I don’t have a choice as a a single parent) and taking the opportunity to rest and sleep and take care of myself before my body gives me a big ‘You didn’t listen’ signal.
As I planted bulbs in the garden yesterday afternoon I realised that the garden looks messy. Windblown and overgrown, flowers are drying and going brown on the stem. Leaves strewn across the grass along with windfallen apples and pears. And the ever-growing heaps of bindweed, brambles, ivy and other garden detritus which are piling up as I continue with my mission to clear the space at the end of the garden. My mum would have said: “It’s gone over.” It is bloated and worn out and brittle and dry and tired. The pots are still full of petunias and trailing lobelia and everything is still green and bright but it’s coming to an end and ready for change.
photo of apples taken at Glastonbury, 'The Isle of Apples', at Lammas time
Being able to drive has made such a difference to everything. I've been driving for five months now. When I passed my test I decided to drive as much as possible until I felt really confident and now, after this summer, I am ready to get back to walking and cycling as much as I can. I knew it would have an effect on my fitness levels 
but I swam four lengths when I took Sam swimming the other day, and my arms were aching. Time to get moving.
hoping to get cracking on a book this summer but I've been doing too much to put the time in. Instead it's been about poetry. It always has been. I can't remember not writing poetry- I wrote tonnes of song lyrics as well when I was in bands, especially Primordia. I'm enjoying it more than ever and the first year of uni has definitely taught me how to shape and edit my poems. Let's see what happens this year.
