Thursday, 24 September 2009


From Apple to hemlock via sycamore
Letting go
Letting go

Holiest fruit, classical poison, helicopter seed
Letting go
Letting go

Through the labyrinth, I catch the breeze and fall
Letting go
Letting go

And with love, I hold on to me

Friday, 11 September 2009

Discombobulated to Re-combobulated

I’ve been fighting a cold for a week now, which is silly. I should have given in and gone back to bed last Friday, or yesterday, or today, while Sam was at nursery, but instead I have carried on. It’s not something to be proud of – and is a habit I have been consciously changing. Trying to find that balance between knowing I am ok to keep going (and most of the time I don’t have a choice as a a single parent) and taking the opportunity to rest and sleep and take care of myself before my body gives me a big ‘You didn’t listen’ signal.
As I’ve said previously it’s been a good, very busy, summer, and I am now trying to tick off my To Do list before I go back to the intense experience of university. I’m not complaining- it’s mostly good stuff: clearing the patch of garden I am going to grow vegetables in next year; writing; planning activities for Sam and doing research for the work which will at some point turn into a book when it and I are ready.
As I planted bulbs in the garden yesterday afternoon I realised that the garden looks messy. Windblown and overgrown, flowers are drying and going brown on the stem. Leaves strewn across the grass along with windfallen apples and pears. And the ever-growing heaps of bindweed, brambles, ivy and other garden detritus which are piling up as I continue with my mission to clear the space at the end of the garden. My mum would have said: “It’s gone over.” It is bloated and worn out and brittle and dry and tired. The pots are still full of petunias and trailing lobelia and everything is still green and bright but it’s coming to an end and ready for change.
A bit like me then! I feel messy and out of shape and ready to break free and have a change of space. So, from today I am going to detox and get ready for university. It’s all going to be different again this year.

Wednesday, 2 September 2009

August to Autumn

It is dark and rainy. Hello Autumn. I felt it when I woke up last Friday- like the end of Mary Poppins, when the wind changes and she leaves again. Season of mists and mellow all that.... season of getting back to work more likely. I can't believe I am going back to uni at the end of this month. I am already stocking the freezer with batches of home-made soup and pasta sauce, and trying to sort out clutter. I am eternally trying to sort out clutter but getting more brutal with it now. I've just sold Sam's playpen on ebay and and got rid of a pushchair and bag of clothes to charity but there is tonnes more to sort out. Paperwork has to be filed and 'actioned' and more re-organising must be done before the end of September.
photo of apples taken at Glastonbury, 'The Isle of Apples', at Lammas time
The garden is starting to look different - I had a scary thought today as I was hacking away at brambles and ivy: "I could do the whole garden, not just the end"...I hate having these thoughts. I have had a quiet word with my over-ambitious self and made it clear that sorting out the end of the garden to grow vegetables is quite enough to be dealing with, apart from everything else - see the Roar! Earth blog for more on this. I also want to plant a bee-friendly front garden. I drive myself mad with all these ideas but it does keep life interesting.
Being able to drive has made such a difference to everything. I've been driving for five months now. When I passed my test I decided to drive as much as possible until I felt really confident and now, after this summer, I am ready to get back to walking and cycling as much as I can. I knew it would have an effect on my fitness levels but I swam four lengths when I took Sam swimming the other day, and my arms were aching. Time to get moving.
I am very thankful for this summer- it's been the best one I've had for years. I've caught up with old friends, made new ones, and Sam and I have been able to go out and have lots of adventures and new experiences. I feel very lucky.
Soon it will be time to batten down the hatches and get my head back into study mode. I am just starting to look forward to it. I was hoping to get cracking on a book this summer but I've been doing too much to put the time in. Instead it's been about poetry. It always has been. I can't remember not writing poetry- I wrote tonnes of song lyrics as well when I was in bands, especially Primordia. I'm enjoying it more than ever and the first year of uni has definitely taught me how to shape and edit my poems. Let's see what happens this year.
Turning, turning, turning...
Love xxx