Photographic

My camera has finally given up after five and a half years of stalwart service. It was the last Christmas present I was given by my Mum, so I am sorry to let it go but it has been wonderful, and I have taken thousands of photos with it.
In that time technology has moved on in leaps and bounds and for my 40th birthday last year I was very lucky to receive a Flip camera. I have been experimenting with, and will have some proper time to investigate and learn to use it properly now, including its capacity to take stills.

Saturday

6.30am Woken by Sam, breakfast of bowl of shreddies and juice (him) toast and marmalade and black coffee (me),Mary Poppins dvd and a read of yesterday's Guardian, empty and load washing machine and hang out washing, tidy computer desk and clean dining room table and hoover dining room.
8.45 Organise birthday present for friend, phonecall, bath me and Sam, get dressed, pack bag, find library books and dvds, dash to football.
9.30 Football - Sam has suddenly found his stride and turned into a fast runner and a good kicker
10.15 A trip to the 'Numbers' caff for chocolate milkshake (him) black coffee (me) and a copy of the Peppa Pig magazine (him) and Guardian for me.
10.45 Shopping, fill car up with petrol (wince at price) return home, make picnic lunch and put shopping away.
11.30 Collect niece, drive to local shopping centre, visit library to return Sam's books and dvds and he selects new ones. Eat lunch in the park and have races and play hide and seek.
1.30 Take niece clothes shopping for her birthday present and take Sam to the toy shop for bubbles, balloons and replacement whoopee cushion.
3.00 Return to car, Drop niece home, Sam falls asleep, get home and leave him asleep while I sit on the front step with coffee and shortbread biscuits and read the Guardian Weekend magazine.
4.30 Sam wakes up, put on 'Bolt' dvd from the library for him to watch, race Lightning Macqueen cars and then go outside and play catch, try out my new hula hoop, water the garden including veg patch, then pour water on our bare feet and make foot prints on the patio.
7.00 Get washing in, cook tea, listen to Craig Charles on 6Music, dance with Sam to Gil Scott Heron, get him ready for bed, read stories.
9.00 Feel tired and grumpy, feel blessed.

All We Ever Wanted (Was Everything)

It has been a challenging week for all kinds of reasons. So I was glad to see the beautiful golden-washed moon this evening. All these things shall pass...

I am very greedy and want everything- mostly I want what is not possible and once again travel the circle of wishing in vain, feeling disappointed, frustrated, sad, blaming myself, realising it isn't my fault, accepting what is, letting go...

What I want most is for Sam to be happy and for us to have a home, a family life and a support network. We have some of of this...we do not have some of this...

I am playing the long game.

Love and a Bauhaus tune
xxx

Cybele - the orginal Mother

What you might not know about 'Mothers' / Mother's Day' is that, like other seasonal family celebrations it has its roots in Christianity - actually it doesn't - it's roots are far older than that.

Orginally it was the Roman festival of Hilaria, a celebration of the Goddess Cybele, which may explain April Fools Day...? I kid you not....

The Christian Church appropriated this Pagan festival, as they did with so many others... Easter (Eostre), Christmas, Candlemas etc etc...

Christians, up until the early part of the twentieth century would gather at their 'Mother' church on 'Mothering Sunday' to acknowledge the Virgin Mary and celebrate the Church in general, on the fourth sunday of Lent.

So, if like me, as a single mother, with no mother to make a fuss of, and noone to make a fuss of you, you feel a bit narked by yet another occasion where you feel you don't fit into the stereotype... of the family who brings gifts of flowers and treats and takes Mummy out for a nice lunch... and you don't have a husband or partner to cook you that breakfast in bed or buy you some jewellery...

Don't worry! It's another mirage offered up by advertising that, for the most part, doesn't exist, and it's a bad idea to try and live up to it. That's when I start to feel sorry for myself, and I hate that...

When Sam can make me a card, that will be great. He gave me a daisy the other day- and told me he loved me- what more could I ask for from my son?

There are plenty of us who are doing our best on our own to provide for our kids and be good mums. There are mothers today who are working, or looking after sick and disabled kids, who are struggling with debts, who are homeless, who may have noone to acknowledge they are doing a fine job.

To all of them I salute you - HAPPY MOTHERS DAY

My garden is full of wild violets, apparently sacred to Cybele...Goddess Mother of Mothers...

Love, Love, Love
xxx

Six Years Ago Today

What an April Fool I felt as my Dad drove me and the few possessions that hadn't been put in storage back to London. Heartbroken and leaving my home, work, friends and life as well as my failed marriage and my dreams in Bristol, a city I had taken to my heart and did not expect to leave.

Six years later I am about to finish my degree in creative writing and journalism, just about to get my first poem in print, and accepted to do an MA next year. I got to spend precious time with my Mum before she died. I made a radio series on shoes for Resonance FM. I got to hang out with my best friend again.



Most importantly I had Sam and became a mother. I got to be me on my own terms, and I am back living near, if not quite in my beloved Smoke.

I have made some great new friends, stayed in contact with some old ones and gradually forgiven myself for what happened, let go and moved on.

Sam and I spent this afternoon hanging out together in London and having fun...long may it continue...



Love, Love, Love xxx

Calling Time

Things are moving very fast at the moment, so I have little time to blog.
I am not sure how much longer I will be 'here' at my old faithful blogspot.
Maybe I will stay here but it is more likely this chapter is coming to an end and I will be moving all of LucyFurLeaps writing ops elsewhere...

Love, Love, Love

Get in

Two weeks since my last post. This is a marker. I am mid-way through my final semester and running around like a headless chicken, trying to keep up and get ahead at the same time.

I am also scheduling in early nights, leaving the washing up til the next day, and the veg patch hasn't even been dug over...I know when I've overdone it and at that point I stop- and sometimes I even manage to not overdo it in the first place.

At the end of this semester I will then complete all the assignments from the last semester which I was too poorly to submit. When everyone else has finished and is getting pissed and breathing sighs of relief I will be starting a new/old batch of work.

Mildly frustrating but at least this way I hope to have a chance of decent marks so it will be worth it. At Christmas I was too poorly to work. At the moment I am ok but still getting very tired sometimes.

The hard work is bearing fruit.

I am a published writer and a poet.

This is the beginning of something new and good.

Head down until I get all the work done and pass my degree.

Love, Love, Love xxx