Threads for weaving

Persuading you to put on trousers this morning, even though you didn't really believe "surfers wear them at this time of the year too, y'know..."

Day 4 of feeling so poorly I can't do anything except tap and click on my lap top and read.

So thankful my Dad has been around to help with Sam.

Starting to feel inspired to write now that my brain has had a chance to rest and think because the whirling dervish who normally transports it has had final warning from her body that she needs to rest and get well.

Still buzzing.

Furious at the Comprehensive spending review and feeling more and more lucky instead of desperate about my current situation, and trying not to fear the future.

Disappointed that I am not performing poetry tonight as planned.

Needing some community, as ever.

Wondering if I can still plant bulbs in the front garden now there has been a thick frost?

Loving the Plum Village web site : "Breathe, you are online"

Looking for peace.



Striving to be a good mum.

Living in the moment and practising mindfulness.

Thinking about the Tor.

Wishing I was better with words.

Leaving the bags at the gate and running up the hill feeling free.

The veil is thin...Let Go

Love, Love, Love xxx

My 100th Post as LucyFurLeaps

I am thinking I should make this count but really I wanted to have a quick ramble. I am starting to get back to some writing again. Following a few weeks of manic listmaking and doing, a wonderful week's holiday in Devon with Sam and my best friend, and needing a break after the intense meltdown-producing end of last semester at university.

I have still got plenty to keep me busy- obviously full-time single motherhood is top of the list. Also the garden, see my Roar!Earth Blog for more on that, and the general re-organising and de-cluttering of the house.

I am trying to find time to get my bike serviced and go swimming but haven't quite managed it yet...

Poetry is still my main concern.

Politics is creeping in too, after the inevitable let-down of the ConDem coalition. I am choosing what I read and when I read it carefully because it is so depressing and worrying. But I am keeping informed and wondering where to start 'acting'.

I am going to join a political party. I am fairly sure which one it will be but it is conditional. More writing on this when I have done the deed.

Discombobulated to Re-combobulated

I’ve been fighting a cold for a week now, which is silly. I should have given in and gone back to bed last Friday, or yesterday, or today, while Sam was at nursery, but instead I have carried on. It’s not something to be proud of – and is a habit I have been consciously changing. Trying to find that balance between knowing I am ok to keep going (and most of the time I don’t have a choice as a a single parent) and taking the opportunity to rest and sleep and take care of myself before my body gives me a big ‘You didn’t listen’ signal.
As I’ve said previously it’s been a good, very busy, summer, and I am now trying to tick off my To Do list before I go back to the intense experience of university. I’m not complaining- it’s mostly good stuff: clearing the patch of garden I am going to grow vegetables in next year; writing; planning activities for Sam and doing research for the work which will at some point turn into a book when it and I are ready.
As I planted bulbs in the garden yesterday afternoon I realised that the garden looks messy. Windblown and overgrown, flowers are drying and going brown on the stem. Leaves strewn across the grass along with windfallen apples and pears. And the ever-growing heaps of bindweed, brambles, ivy and other garden detritus which are piling up as I continue with my mission to clear the space at the end of the garden. My mum would have said: “It’s gone over.” It is bloated and worn out and brittle and dry and tired. The pots are still full of petunias and trailing lobelia and everything is still green and bright but it’s coming to an end and ready for change.
A bit like me then! I feel messy and out of shape and ready to break free and have a change of space. So, from today I am going to detox and get ready for university. It’s all going to be different again this year.

August to Autumn

It is dark and rainy. Hello Autumn. I felt it when I woke up last Friday- like the end of Mary Poppins, when the wind changes and she leaves again. Season of mists and mellow all that.... season of getting back to work more likely. I can't believe I am going back to uni at the end of this month. I am already stocking the freezer with batches of home-made soup and pasta sauce, and trying to sort out clutter. I am eternally trying to sort out clutter but getting more brutal with it now. I've just sold Sam's playpen on ebay and and got rid of a pushchair and bag of clothes to charity but there is tonnes more to sort out. Paperwork has to be filed and 'actioned' and more re-organising must be done before the end of September.

photo of apples taken at Glastonbury, 'The Isle of Apples', at Lammas time

The garden is starting to look different - I had a scary thought today as I was hacking away at brambles and ivy: "I could do the whole garden, not just the end"...I hate having these thoughts. I have had a quiet word with my over-ambitious self and made it clear that sorting out the end of the garden to grow vegetables is quite enough to be dealing with, apart from everything else - see the Roar! Earth blog for more on this. I also want to plant a bee-friendly front garden. I drive myself mad with all these ideas but it does keep life interesting.

Being able to drive has made such a difference to everything. I've been driving for five months now. When I passed my test I decided to drive as much as possible until I felt really confident and now, after this summer, I am ready to get back to walking and cycling as much as I can. I knew it would have an effect on my fitness levels but I swam four lengths when I took Sam swimming the other day, and my arms were aching. Time to get moving.

I am very thankful for this summer- it's been the best one I've had for years. I've caught up with old friends, made new ones, and Sam and I have been able to go out and have lots of adventures and new experiences. I feel very lucky.

Soon it will be time to batten down the hatches and get my head back into study mode. I am just starting to look forward to it. I was hoping to get cracking on a book this summer but I've been doing too much to put the time in. Instead it's been about poetry. It always has been. I can't remember not writing poetry- I wrote tonnes of song lyrics as well when I was in bands, especially Primordia. I'm enjoying it more than ever and the first year of uni has definitely taught me how to shape and edit my poems. Let's see what happens this year.

Turning, turning, turning...

Love xxx

Balloons, Bristol, Buddies, Blogs and Bliss

It's all about the B's at the moment. Sam and I spent nearly ten days in Bristol, staying with various friends, house-sitting while other friends were on holiday, attending birthday parties and having a completely brilliant time at the Bristol Balloon Fiesta.

So now I have done a proper long drive in my car, with Sam and the aid of Tom Tom. I drove all over Bristol, in and out of the city and its environs, and out into the countryside. For a place I had lived in for several years I felt like I was getting to know it all over again via road, rather than public transport, bike and on foot.

I re-connected the geography of the city which I love so much, re-connected with my great friends there, and re-connected with lots of memories-transforming once painful territory into blessings and bliss.

I have moved on. I am moving on.

Sam had an amazing time, getting to know my friends and their children, expanding his experience and horizons exponentially, changing his views and opinions and deepening his obsession with hot air balloons.

We saw four hot air balloons ascending over the city as we drove back from friends to where we were staying, balloons rising above Bristol after the weekend-long Harbour Festival, which we had completely side-stepped, in favour of my friend's daughter's third birthday party, and the Amnesty International Fete at Goldeney Hall gardens. Sam was awe-struck by those four balloons. "Just wait for the balloon fiesta!" I told him. On Friday morning I got up at 5am, dressed Sam and bundled him into the car with a beaker of juice and some toast and we went on a tour around Bristol for the next hour, waiting for the morning ascent of balloons. Suddenly there they were! Floating above us, drifting up into the sky, glorious and colourful. We drove backwards and forwards until there seemd to be hundreds of balloons of all shapes, sizes and hues disappearing into the distance.

On the saturday I spent time at my friends' Paul and Kat's allotment, digging up onions, chatting with and gaining inspiration from Kat, while Paul looked after Sam and their gorgeous daughter Maya. Later we all headed off to Ashton Court for the Balloon Fiesta. The weather was perfect and we saw 66 balloons ascend and then waited for the Night Glow and fireworks. Sam rode on a merry-go-round with Kat and Paul and Maya. It is the latest night he has had so far. It was quite a mission getting through crowds of a quarter of a million people and managing to keep him from running off. He absolutely loved it and I think he thought he would be doing the same the next night!

Now Lammas has passed, the season is moving on again and my summer holiday is fast disappearing. I feel refreshed and ready to put everything in place for the next year at university. But before I do that I am about to embark on a new, big project. I am going to dig over the end of the garden, which has been neglected for years and turn it into a vegetable patch. It doesn't sound like much maybe, but it is a big space which is feet deep in brambles. I have no idea what I am doing but I am going to give it a go. If you would like to know more or follow my progress please see my new blog Roar! Earth

Love Love Love

xxx

And, if you are wondering about the new photo on the title of the page, it is the top of Glastonbury Tor, looking East. Heaven.